December 8, 2006

  • Pool Party!

    I said i was gonna update yesterday but i didnt get around to doing it.

    anyway, today is the youth group last outting, so we're having a pool part!! ^.^...even though its gonna be 37-40 degrees and ill probably come home looking like a lobster lol but oh welllll! I'm kinda nervouse to go swimming though, dunno why...im feeling grossly huge again V_V. I keep checking the youth groups website in hopes of pictures from the water skiing trip but they havnt posted them...ill have to ask the youth group leader today.

    Last night i told ryan about inpatient and how long ill be gone for...he didnt seem upset at all, in fact he was happy if anything, he said, "It's for the best, do you want to go?" I mummdled a little as i have weird feeling about it...my whole routine which revolves around my eating disorder and other OCD things will be totally screwed...there will be no getting up at 6am, have a smoke and a coffe, by 9am i binge, 10am i clean, workout till 12pm...and so forth...no laxatives at night either, no 7+ coffees and half a pack of smokes...i have a feeling ill come home a mental wreck lol.

    My dad is also the same, he says its great that im going...he just wants to be able to play tennis with me again. before all this i was REALLY good at tennis, i remember i would play at night in adult teams, i was only about 13-14 but i hit the ball harder then any of the adults that had been playing for over 5 yrs. and now, i can hardly hold my tennis wracket...and well i cant really run around with fear of my heart stopping O_O. and everytime i hit the ball my whole body just aches. I remember last night marnah called me and told me about how my oma explained to my dad for the first tme about IP as earler yesterday i first told my oma about it thinking my dad would be angry if i told him. my oma told my dad that my potassium is so low its effecting my heart, my dad just kept saying, "i dont believe it, its not true, they are lying!" my dad doesnt really believe i have a problem because everytime i see him i eat "alot" i dont "purge" and im always making funny jokes...but its really just a mask, my dad tend to get angry when he sees me upset which in turn makes me cry and makes him even angrier...o.O'. So he thinks its great that im getting help cause he doesnt wanna have his monday visits at a grave, hed rather have a drink with me and a few prawns on the BBQ.

    I've also noticed ryan is being alot nicer even though he was pissed of the other day when i was passed out from drinking...its like, the moment i told him im going away soon he just suddenly forget hes was angry and becomes all nice...he ACTUALLY hugged me last night...i had almost forgotten what that felt like.

    I'll update more later...

Comments (6)

  • {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

    I am glad you told everyone.  I hope that going to IP is good for you.

    I kind of figured Ryan would feel happy and relieved.  Ryan needs to learn to stop being so mean when he is scared.

  • {{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}

    I am glad you told everyone.  I hope that going to IP is good for you.

    I kind of figured Ryan would feel happy and relieved.  Ryan needs to learn to stop being so mean when he is scared.

  • I know it will be scary, but you can do this. Just take one day at a time when you get to IP, one hour at a time. You can get through it cause ur strong. I'm here if you need. xo

  • I love you babe, and yes I am still around, just alot has changed.  You can do IP.  It will suck, but it will be good.

  • aww sweetie, i'm so happy ryan's coming around
    and your dad just really loves you, get back out there and play tennis
    after IP of course, i hope you get better sweetie, i love you so much
    i couldn't bare to see you leave us!
    everything will work out, they always do
    much love
    Sam

  • all the best for IP!!
    *hugs*

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