December 26, 2006

• I Hate Christmas

  I had the worst christmas of my life! it started on christmas eve...i went over to my dads were id be staying the night. it all started out ok, my dad, wendy and i had a nice lunch, some drinks and was watching a movie until my dad turned into a dumb ass and started drinking shot after shot of smirnoff...and to make it worse he was mixing painkillers with it.
  
  so by about 2pm he had passed out in front of the xmas tree, i went to put a pillow under his head but he told me to FUCK OFF -_-'. i felt like crying but held the tears back. then later wendy started talking to me about ryan saying i can find someone better, that he didn't love me and shit like that. like sure, he didn't get me a xmas gift, has never taken me out anywhere in our 3 and a half yr relationship..*ahem* i was kinda hoping he'd buy me my first flower gift on xmas (which didn't happen)
  
  anyway by 5pm my dad finally woke up and went to bed, wendy kept yelling at him and he kept yelling back "yeah i'm a cunt, thats right." i just sat in front of the tv and watched blankly at what ever was on....which is what i did till 3am and finally went to bed. but i couldn't sleep, some phyco next door was slamming on the fence screaming, "I fucking hate you!!" but i did finally sleep i guess.
  
  Christmas morning came round and i was feeling hopeful that my dad was better....well guess what, i woke up yo his wendy yelling at him and him throwing shit...i felt like i was 8yr old again, waking up at night to smashing glass and screaming.
  
  so i just went and had a bath, i couldn't help but think of slitting my wrists right there in the bathtub...what a xmas gift to my dad that would of been. i didn't cut so don't worry...when i got out everything had calmed down...of cause the xmas tree didn't survive tho...that was destroyed along with one of my gifts that my dad was gonna give me. it was a tiny tiger statue, he stepped on it by mistake.
  for my other xmas gift i got a white dress (which my boobs are too small for but still looks nice) and $50 from my dad. i tried to look happy but kept looking at the mess.
  xmas lunch came round and all i did was look at the food, my dad saw how unhappy i was and got angry, took my plate, threw it into the sink were it smashed and then told me to go home.
  it was POURING outside, very cold too. so i got up and left...came home completely drenched and hoped ryan would comfort me.
  but guess what he had to say, "did you drink my protein drink?" O____O. i was standing there soaked, crying...and all he could think about was that?! yes i did drink it...but they are only $2 each...like ffs. no "merry christmas" no "whats wrong?" and no...no flowers or nothing....only piles of dishes and huge mess.
  
  well merry fuckin christmas....-_-'
  
  now i got new yrs to look forward to...prolly be the same damn story huh hahahaha
  
  The only man that will never hurt my feelings ^_^...god i love that lil shit head lol. he wouldnt care if i was too thin emaciated pile of bones or if i was a huge pile of fat (so as long as i keep feeding him) hell allllways wuv me ^.^ lol.

  • 6:04 pm
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