February 18, 2007

• Why me?

  Last night my dad called up, he was drunk and his first words were, "I'm really upset!" you see one of wendys friends called up and my dad answerd, he then started singing making a joke and wendys friend having no sence of humor hung up. wendy got really upset and so my dad called...he was going to leave again. and al the while im thinking, "Why me?" like...what sort of advice could a person like me give? im no dr phil, i can hardly manage my own problems! but oh well...anyway, how does everyone like my new layout? ^.^ I added it to my layout site which hasnt been updated in forever, might make another one soon. so...another austin diary update!

  ~*12th, Friday, Janurary*~

  ~*Family Meeting*~

  I just had my breakfast, I finnished most of it just not all the milk and I'm still eating too slow! But I'm trying. After that I went outside for a smoke and was going to brush my teethwhich I'm going to do soon but my phych nurse  came into my room and told me she wanted to talk about my "prgress". I think at about 10am my Dad, Wendy and Oma are coming to see me for this family meeting, it'll be interesting although I don't want them to see me all drugged up so I might have a nap.
  I just saw my Dad and Oma, they came in at about morning tea time. Oma bought me little lollypop suprises, they come with a toy but I can't have the lollypops she also bought me a huge packet of starburst lollies which I wasn't allowed to have. I was half way through my morning tea which was a small yogurt and my disorder told me I wasn't allowed to have anymore so my Dad saw me struggleing and he sat down with me and helped me through the last half. A nurse also told my Dad and Oma about my condition, Dad cried a little but was happy to have finally found out what was wrong. Dad also bought me a tamagotchi and a pack of much needed smokes! The tamagotchi is awsom! You can make friends with other peoples tamagotchis, I might try with Natasha's later. I then got to talk to my phych nurse, she was pretty nice, she just wanted to know more about my background. Tomorrow hopfully Ryan will come to see me, I'm a bit nervouse of how he might react to what the nurse has to tell him, hopfully he wont leave me for being a complete loony! Well right now I'm going to take out the toys from the lollypops and hand in the actual candy and then I'm going to head down to the computer room.
  I just had my afternoon tea, I couldn't finnish it all. A new gu has just come in, he keeps looking at me and hangs around Scott alot. I then had my blood pressure taken, its gone up which is good but still could be better. I'm now going off the Valium and going on Xanax instead, hope it doesn't cause weight gain...my first question in anything new I take. The lolly pops have been locked up in my safe, so it's all good. I'm still excited to see Ryan tomorrow but at the same time I'm nervouse. Well it's nearly 4pm, 1 hour till dinner, I better ev myself up! Haha, so I'm going to have my millionth smoke!
  I just had my dinner, I felt a little scared before hand so the xanax did nothing for me, maybe I'll give it a few days and if I keep needing the Valium then I'll just ask to go off the Xanax completely. I finnished most of my dinner, I just didnt finnish one of my veggie pasties, there was three but the voices wouldn't let me. So after I was going to have a smoke, which I did and then a coffee but the coffee stand was closed, it'll be open again at 7pm so I'll have one after my supper. Hopfully if the computer room is free I'll chat to Ryan as he gave me his e-mail last night. Right now, I'm putting together the lollypop toys and then I'll head off for my smoke as it is nearly supper time.
  I just had my supper, and half way through a smoke my Dad called. The converstation started out ok until I asked how long they'll be keeping me in here for, he said four to five weeks! I don't want to be here that long! Which probably means I can't sign myself out. Anyway, I'm waiting for the computer room to be free so I can chat to Ryan, hope he doesn't dump me for being a skitzo!
  I just chatted to Ryan on MSN, he's really angry at the doctors he doesn't want me to stay here for five weeks. I'm upset too, but he isn't angry at me which is good. Ryan said he got me something for when I get out, I want to know what it is but he wont tell me! Oh well, it'll be a suprise. I can't sleep, so I got the nurse to give me some Valium. So I'm going to finnish making the rest of the lollypop toys, have a shower and then try to sleep again.

   That was a pretty stressful day, during my whole stay my dad cried more then me...he cried as he left but i never once shed any tears whilst my dad was there...only when he left i let the buckets flow. I knew my dad was crushed by were i was so i didnt want him to feel worse by seeing me cry. He also gave me a cut out of my star sign from the news paper...its pretty amazing what it said;

  Aries
  What so you weigh? You will not find the true answer to this question by standing on the scales. They can only measure the physical load you are carrying and this is all but irrelevant. Why should you even be remotely interested in the shape and size of your body when the shape and size of your mind means so much more? Yet in your mind now you are carying one burden too many and this is slwoing you down and robbing you of precious levity. It is time to free yourself from this.

  I almost cry everytime I read that..its kinda freaky no? My eyes just about popped out of my head when i first read it...for the first time my start sign made sence...so so true...i just wish it was a little easier to free myself from all this.

  Anyway, i gotta go, my dad is picking me up soon, we're going to the melbourne hospital for a doctor to check on wendys tumor again...so ill prolly update again tomorrow.

  • 5:05 pm
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