February 28, 2007

  • Plans...

    My oma and ryan have been talking alot on what to do with me...its confusing and very frustrating right now. There was one planning forming with my oma and ryan which was going to start next monday...Ryan would lock both the cupboard anf fridge and only leave out what i "need" for breakfast and then I would go over to my omas and have my meals there for the day and then when ryan comes back home from work i would go home and only have what he has for dinner....after dinner he would lock the bathroom door for 2 hours. This all seems harsh but its an attempt to stop me from b/ping. But i called up my oma this morning and told her i wasnt ready to leap into this...so i told her a different plan, i would go to austin and then when i get sent home again i would stay at my omas for a month and continue my meal plans there...as austin did help me rid myself of my b/p cycle but when i was sent home...it all went out the window as i found myself alone everyday, i had unlinited excess to the fridge and cupboards, toilet, scales...at my omas i want have that...

    But the first plan frustrated ryan a little...as he would have to pay my oma money for the food i was to "eat" but already i had ideas of excaping that...she cant force me to eat after all, and unlike my week stay at my dads before i went into austin...im not afraid of my oma. when i stayd with my dad i gained almost 8kgs in that one week as my dad gave me really fatty food and i was too scared to say no, my dad tends to raise his voice and gets angry when he is frustrated.

    Anyway...I'm back on seriquil, although i dont wanna take it as it causes weight gain...but at least my mind isnt shouting at me...i feel more calm. my exercise hasnt lowed any...increased more, im now also walking around the block alot...my weight is now 42kgs...i feel as if i have to lose as much as i can before i go to austin...i still feel like te other girls are going to laugh at me for being the biggest.

    oh, funny story...this morning my oma called but my house phone was unplugged as i unplug it before going to bed at night. so for 3 hours she was trying to call but no answer...she got worried thinking i had died whilst purging, so she called my dad and he was getting ready to drive over to my place...when finally i had plugged the phone in and she got an answer...lol....everyone thinks im gonna just drop dead any day...ok so its not a funny story...i just dont see how ppl can look at me and think im a day away from death...like i still look healthy...i dont get it.

Comments (5)

  • hey sweet mekah!
    sorry i haven't commented in a while, just been really busy
    i know what ur going thru with ur family worried about u 24/7... they'll just have to get used to the new/old you...
    hope you're doing ok and i miss you
    comment if you can

    xoxo Sam

  • it sounds like a good plan.  I hope that it helps.  I was thinking that it does sound a little cruel, but if it will help you, I am glad that you are agreeing to it.

    I do hope that one day you are able to learn to control the urges without having everything controlled and planned for you.

  • At least you know now that you have a lot of people who care and worry about you. *hugs* That's a good thing. They all want to help you get better. xoxoxoxoxoxo Keep fighting. x

  • We never talk anymore, I'm starting to feel as if we're drifting apart.

    Are we?

  • i think doing it your way is bst, itsn' not good to be forced into doing smething you don't wanna do...

Comments are closed.

Post a Comment