March 21, 2007

  • one last post.

    Tomorrow i am off to the hell hole again...what will happen this time? my dad isnt walking in with me this time...hes going to drop me off at the front and then drive home...i have a feel something bad is going to happen when im in there...i dunno why i feel that...i just have a weird feeling, could just be nerves.

    Ryan has yet to speak more then 10 words to me in the last 24hours...he knows im leaving tomorrow, he knows that when he comes home from work i want be there...and yet he still gives me the cold shoulder...why am i complaining? when its all my fault...and i cant fix any of it.

    Ill be in austin for ryans bday which is next thursday...he turns 31...ill probably be in austin for MY 20th...thats gonna be a saaad saaad day...as my dad had promised to take be flying in a tiger moth plan...dont think itll happen now, maybe the doctors there will be nice enough to let me out for my bday, but i dout it.

    anyway...im gonna be making bracelets whilst im away, so when i get back...ill give them allll away for free :P ...i think i might do that even when i come out, just make like a tonne of bracelets and give em away for free, just cause im nice like that hahaha.

    Well...ill update as soon as i can tomorrow, if not tomorrow then probably saturday.

    wish me luck for round 2!!! ill need it...xoxoxoxox

Comments (2)

  • Ryan can not blame his behavior on you.  Only he can control how he acts, responds to the things going on in his life etc.  You should not feel guilty because he is being a jerk.  He is being a jerk because he is being a jerk.  You are doing the right thing for yourself.  It is too bad he can't see that.

    I think everyone is nervous when they know they are stepping into something that might change their lives.

    Good luck!
    Erika

  • Sorry to hear that things with Ryan are going so shitty... I know how things like this can have a negative affect on a relationship and it's hard.

    As far as I'm concerned, the unfortunate honest truth is that he is being selfish here... of course it's difficult for him... but shouldn't he stand back and say, "Hey... I wonder how hard this is for Mekah, who's living EVERY SINGLE SECOND in this nightmare?"

    You don't get to hang up the phone and leave the eating disorder behind.

    You can't just leave your inbox alone and not have the ED there for a day... you can't go to work or school and leave the ED at home behind you... he should be recognising that fact, but unfortunately it's sometimes difficult for people on the outside to see.

    I hope that tomorrow goes well for you and good luck with the entire admission- I'm sure it wont be nearly as bad as you're anticipating- remember, everyone's there for the same reason- to get better... keep that in mind all the time and focus all of your energy on getting YOURSELF and YOUR health back together. That's what's most important.

    Lots of luck and love for tomorrow sweetie,

    xx Natasha

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