May 24, 2008

• Torn apart

  Last night was just awful, I ended up cutting my left wrist 4 times cause of it...I'll have to update later on what happend when Matt isn't around or waiting for me to get ready. I'll just say for now...Matt turned into a raving monster, screaming at me, calling me names an kicking me out of the house to cry in the pouring rain! But now everything is ok...until next time? It gets worse each time, at this stage I'd "peafer" just to get my lights knocked out then have to go through the emotional tornment that his words and anger put me through

  And some how I still feel as though it was all %100 my fault...

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  I didn't do too much damage, just enough to numb the hurt I guess. The fight started off by Matt asking a stupid question that I didn't wont to talk about, about two months ago Matt and I had a huge fight, it was the day I over dosed actually. I stayed over at Berky's house and everyone (including) Berky says I slept with him! Which is totally untrue but I guess it does look a bit weird if everyone says I slept with him including the fuck that I "slept with". I wouldn't sleep with that dug fucked moron even if he paid me a million bucks! But last night I wouldn't say anything, I said I didn't want to talk about it but Matt kept pushing it and getting angry and more angry as I continued to ignore him. He ended up grabbing me by the shoulders and shacking me whilst yelling at me saying he was going to smash my stuff.
  I ended up running outside and up the road to sit by the bay, there i cried hoping Matt couldn't find me...but he did and continued to scream at me calling me an idiot, retard, whore and then when I headed back as I was getting cold in the rain he started to push me away saying I wasn't welcome back inside! He said he was going to call the cops and that I should call my dad to send me some money so I could get back to Melbourne and stay with Berky again, he said I could then suck his cock again and sleep with him! I yelled out for Debbie to come outside but Matt just kept pushing me away, so I ended up screaming at him to go fuck himself and then walked down the road crying.
  I passed two guys outside their house, they asked if I was ok in which I replied, "Of cause I'm not fucking ok!" I then stopped a couple of meters away and slummped down onto the foot path and just cried. I was all the way in Perth, I knew no one I could go to! So I go back up and said sorry to the two guys and introduced myself, I asked if I could come inside for a little bit. They let me inside and I sat down next to the guys wife, they were all pissed and stoned but at least I was out of the rain, it was pouring down...Which Matt had hoped at the time, "Go sleep in the gutter you whore! I hope it POURS down tonight!" It kept repeating in my mind.
  Matt then started to call my mobile so I turned it off...

  I have to go, Matt's home again...I'l update later when he isnt around

  • 8:19 pm
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