August 6, 2009

• Another boring day...

  Well I found out Sara is getting rid of everyone that has anything to do with either drugs or eating disorders, she wants to have a clean and healthy life but what I don't understand is why does having to get rid of close friends have anything to do with getting better? It's like she thinks if she hangs around me I'm going to shuv a needle full of drugs in her face and force her to have it! If anything I'd fully support her to stay clean! IT'S WHAT REAL FRIENDS DO! THEY SUPPORT EACH OTHER NO MATTER WHAT! I feel like she's just thrown me away like unwanted rubbish! I feel SO fucking hurt by this, I'm trying to get clean too but I'm not going to just "get rid" of everyone I know that takes drugs! But fine, what the fuck ever, I guess she wasn't a real friend of mine to begin with, as much as I love her and as much as I've tried to get her to talk to me (and boy have I tried) I'm just tried of it, tired of the heart ache she's caused and tired of wondering WHY or what I've done wrong... So I just give up, good luck to her but I just don't need that kind of heart ache in my life right now, I have much more important stuff to worry about! Like Peter being locked up, my Hep C eating my liver and the fact I might die at a early age due to HIV! This is all why I wanted Sara to talk to me, I need her in my life right now, we both struggled through so much hard shit together but we could do it cause we had each other! And I only wanted her to support me, to talk to me on days I couldn't stop crying cause I missed pete or to come visit me on days that I was sick due to my Hep C... But I guess her problems are more imporant then mine and probably always has been... I'm trying to to be sad over this but I just can't help it, she was my best friend and I really thought she felt the same... I gues I was wrong in the end .

  Anyway, todays been pretty slow, I've done pretty much nothing but stay in bed depressed and too ill to care or want to do anything. My body hurt too much to even change out of my PJs. Pete called, his phone calls are the only thing that make me smile during the day. I really can't wait until he gets to come home, I'm nervous about what's going to happen at court this coming Tuesday, Peter is going to be charged for his more bigger crimes and will be sentenced with more time ontop of what he already has. This Tueday I'll finally find out wether he's coming home in either late October or late Feburary next year! I'm praying he gets to come home in October! I'll be just CRUSHED if he doesn't get to come home for Christmas or new years...

  • 6:20 am
  • 1 Comment