April 27, 2011

• Gone again...

  Sarah blocked me again, didn't say why but I'm guessing she just wants to get on with her life without bothering with people like me. I understand now too and although I am very upset with losing a friend "again" she probably needs to get rid of me, she has her baby now and is loving her life like I always wanted her to. I'm happy for her, I used to be jealous of her.... very jealous, shes beautiful, thin, has a child, quit drugs, went back to school and her family loves her, everything I want and will never be able to have. Maybe one day when I'm better, if I do get beter she might talk to me again, we might even meet up for coffee like I've been wanting to do for a life time now.

  Anyway, my younger sister has also blocked me on facebook, stupid fight turned bad. She said I'd be a bad mother and that hurt me so I snapped at her... Maybe she's right? I'm a recovering anorexic plus drug addict... Maybe I shouldn't have children? The thought hurts really bad, been trying for a baby for almost two years now and suddenly just giving up and never having one hurts. I grew up with both mum and dad addicted to drugs so I know what it's like, I haven't used for 4 months and I know if I fell pregnent I'd quit everything bad for me and the baby. But still, my sister is right, people like me don't deserve to have children, don't deserve much really... I just wish people could see that even people like me deserve at least a "chance" even just a small one...

  • 1:43 am
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