November 21, 2006
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Block it out
My grandad "pop John" sent my dad a letter the other day from Sydney. You see for the last couple of months my dad has been asking him for advice about me...pretty weird seeing ive seen my grandad like 3 times in my whole life and everytime ive seen him he was getting high with my dad...we've never had a converstation about anything...so he doesnt KNOW me at all. Anyway my grandad said that everything i "do" as in stealing, losing weight, cutting...is ALL for attention....that theres really nothing wrong with me and that my dad should just ignore me and ill grow out of it seeing im not getting any attention...like wtf! -_-''. So now even my grandad is trying to turn my own dad against me...ill just add him to my "people that hate me list", bottle it away like i always do and save it all for a rainy day i guess.
And then theres mark, hes all depressed cause he thinks all his friends have turned against him so he comes onto msn and asks ME what to do...like what would i know? all of my so called friends have forgotten about me...just 4 days ago one of my close friends from high school had a birthday party and i wasnt even thought of! And theeen caitlyn is all depressed cause her mum yells at her and she cant find a bf so she calls me up and asks me why the world hates her and why she is so fucked up...but yet again what do i know? I myself am completely fucked up as all of you know lol. And then marnah is upset cause shes depressed about her weight and then asks me how she can lose weight...so i try to give her advice and say that she has to eat "healthy food" and "exercise" but then she gets into an argument and tells me "thats not how YOU lost weight!" so i said i had to go seeing i didnt wanna fight and in return she replied, "yeah, go and throw up."....thanks....-_-'.
It seems everyone is so upset and turning to me....why??? why be depressed and ask a depressed person how to be happy? it doesnt make sence to me...so instead i block it all out and pretend everyone is happy...or pretend I'm happy...either way it feels like the world is over and we are allll gonna drown in our own tears.
Comments (3)
people can be so insensitive....
*hugs*
wish could hit hte ppl woh hurt u over the head and give them a wake up call
I am sure your grandfather is not trying to turn your dad against you. I am sure your dad went to his dad for advice on how to take care of his daughter. He is worried about you. Your grandfather's advice sounds like any kind of thing that any uneducated person would say. I am sure he isn't trying to make your dad hate you.
Caitlyn sounds naive. She doesn't get the damage you are doing to your body.
and I think people come to us because we are good at putting on a mask and putting up a front. We are good at pretending to be stronger than we really are. The only thing people see is our bodies, and clearly, as you can see through your grandfather, they misinterpret that.
My mom thinks that I a doing this because Jim wants me skinny. She seems to have forgotten me at my thinnest.
Hey there. Some days I end up with this too. Everyone seems to call me and dump all their shit when things are going wrong. It seems to happen all at the same time. Just say ur busy and will have to talk to them later. lol. You don't need everyone else's shit on top of your own. *hugs* take care. xo
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