June 11, 2009
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I Just Can't...
Peter's Mum made me dinner tonight and pretty much “forced” it into my face
! So I went upstairs to eat seeing Peter’s brother and sister was over and doesn’t really like me thus, I couldn’t eat at the table with them 
! I looked at my dinner, meat and mashed potatoes… I wasn’t even hungry and the thought of eating made my stomach churn… I started to cry as Peter’s Mum walked in with a corn cob 
. She just kept telling me to eat and that I’ll be ok. She doesn’t understand 
! My eating disorder has returned in full force 
! I’m just too depressed to eat… So I grabbed a plastic bag and threw all the food into it, bit off the corn and spat it into the bag so it looked like I ate it. I just didn’t have the heart to bring a full plate of food back down to her . At least this way she’ll be happy thinking I’m eating again!And guess what, Peter’s Mum just walked in with a slice of sponge cake for me
… I’ll just have to do the same trick… Today I spent from 10am till about 6pm traveling around just so I could get my Methadone
! And the whole way there I was writing a letter to Peter, almost like a diary! He’ll like knowing what I’m up to and how I’m feeling 
, I’ll be seeing him tomorrow for a “box visit”, I’ll also hand in my letter which is now nearly 14 pages long 
!Matt, my ex is getting paid tonight and he called me asking if I wanted him to shout me Heroin… I want to but I don’t
… I might get it and save it for after I see Peter tomorrow cause I’ll be so depressed seeing him behind a wall of glass and not being able to touch him !I might update later, just to see if I “did” get on or not!
Comments (2)
Good to see you back here... I hope things get better soon. xo
@Twisted_Existance -
I hope they get better soon too! I don’t think I can take too much more of it all
! But I guess when things get so bad; it just “has” to get better sometime, right 
?
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