June 21, 2009

• 9 Days to Go!

  I went and had a contact visit with Peter today! But he has been moved! He is now at the Metropolitan Remand Centre (MRC), which is located on the corner of Robinsons Road and Middle Road all the way out in Deer Park! It takes a full hour by car but if I want to go see him on a day were his Mum can’t take me because she is working and I have to take public transport, it will then take two and a half hours! And unlike were he was before at the MRC you have to “book” a time to visit and if you’re late then stiff, you aren’t allowed your visit! And the visit was so much more “restricted” in terms of how much touching there was! You have to sit on these small round chairs that are stuck to the floor and then you have this big square table, the chairs are so far apart you can hardly hold hands and you aren’t allowed off the chair during the visit! I kept trying to get closer but kept being told off by this bitch of a woman! First I sat on the table next to him so I could be closer but was told to sit back on my seat, then I stood up and stood behind Pete so I could massage his shoulders and play with his hair but again was told to sit back down! It was so fucking stupid! Even if I “was” to even “try” and smuggle anything on him, he is stripped searched afterwards! Like c’mon! It’s called a “contact visit” for a fucking reason! And then when our time was up I just wanted 5 extra minutes to hug and kiss him goodbye but that fucking whore of a cop kept pushing Pete to leave! And as always when I leave him I cried all the way back home. Peter’s Mum tried cheering me up but I could also see she was choking back the tears and trying to stay strong for me. It’s only 9 more days till Pete goes to court and maybe, just maybe he’ll come home… Even though there is only a 15-20% chance of him getting bail, there is still a “chance” he’ll be back home, back in my arms again.

   

  Mean while… I have hardly eaten anything and have lost roughly 10kgs in the past two weeks! It’s mostly due to the depression of Pete being gone but also I think I am/have relapsed back into my Eating Disorder. I am now again taking “a lot” of diet pills and exercising to the point of collapsing! Pete’s Mum tries to make me sit wit her at dinner time so I eat and even though I eat I also look at the clock like I used to and then throw it all back up exactly 20 minutes later… Pete’s Dad has this really cool exercise bike that tells you how many calories you are burning and how fast your heart is beating! I exercise on that when ever I’m home alone and try to burn off as much as I can, pretty much to the point were when I get off the bike my legs are so sore and “jelly-like” I can not walk and have to crawl! HaHa!

   

  On a good note, I have completely quit Heroin! Although I still think about it and am tempted at times, especially on my pay nights but I stay strong and think about all the bad shit it has caused! After all, it’s because of Heroin that “my Pete” was taken away from me! But I don’t promise I’ll never use again! I might one day have a weak moment and slip up! But slipping up is all part of quitting and Heroin is a very, very, very hard drug to quit!

   

  Anyway, I’m tired and am off to start writing another letter for Pete, I am going to visit him again this Wednesday! I already can’t wait.

  • 2:57 am
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