October 28, 2012
-
old pictures
The shock i felt when coming across someones old xanga site from 2006...it was a pro "ana" site with skinny pics of me on it... my heart jumped from my chest and i had to stare. I do have some old pics and even a pair of size 6 jeans...I do sometimes wish i was back to being 45kgs but again quickly think of how low i felt, how weak, tired and hungry i felt ALL the time. I'm not even sure if i could lose all the weight i've gained anyway, i just dont care enough anymore. Now i care more about Jedi, Pete and kids some day and if im that ill again well the idea of kids can be kissed goodbye for sure!
It was my Dad's 50th birthday yesterday, on the phone he read out some old schoo work of mine from grade 4....I almost forgot how "happy" i used to be back when my mind was full of hope and dreams... I did a good job of crushing them thats for sure. My dad keeps asking when I'll be writting a book...Well I've started one...Its called Scar Tissue...It's about me and my life, dont know if anyone would even wanna read it but I'm mostly just doing it for myself. I'm sure my family would enjoy the parts about me standing on cold street corners at night and about shooting up speed/heroin for the first time... Or even about the times i was attacked while homeless....But its all gonna be in there...even bit of cold bitter truth.
And then when thats done I'll be starting on something elese, probably a post war story. I'm writting it by hand in a book first, I always found writting by pen more comforting then typing.
Anyway, as for my drug problem....nothing has changed...I'm still a fuck up but eh...could be worse...a lot fucking worse.